I want my boys to know how much it meant to me to nurse them. Even if it was only a short time. Even if they never want to think they did that with their mom.. I was that guy that thought it was abnormal and it would never happen. I opposed it, and fought Dan on it. I thought it was "granola" and "gross" and totally "disgusting".
Then I had Nicky and the minute I saw him it all changed. It was natural and instinctual. In that instant, I became a MOM. It was a connection, a bond, an emotion I never felt before. I was moved. I cried. I LOVED it. I embraced it.
But Nicky didn't. Dan and I spent the better part of two weeks getting it right. Finally he did and it worked.
I was devastated at 5 months, when Nicky started to deny it; when a bottle gave him more substance, but it was ok. There would be more.
When Brandon arrived, not only did he take to nursing, he was a natural. Together we were in unison, we spoke the same language. We understood each other. It changed me once again.
Two weeks later, during Brandon's newborn pictures with Michele at
Pinkletoes, I had to stop to nurse him. She offered to capture these precious moments on camera. I refused. Now I am heartbreakingly sad that I did. I am not sure if I felt it was too private or I was shy. Or maybe I didn't understand how haunting an image like that could be, but I missed my opportunity.
Every so often she features these special moments between a mom and her baby and my heart aches. Her work is so beautiful, I wanted to share. She calls this
"Someday...."
