My Someday

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A long time ago 
I was so full of confidence and pride 
and so young and naive
I didn't know what I know now
I didn't know the love that came with being a mom
I didn't know that you stop judging
I didn't know that you slept on the floor in their room
and stayed up for hours with them
that you would forever spend hours staring at them
and watching them sleep
wondering how you made something so magical
I didn't know that the joys of being a parent superseded anything on this planet
that i could love forever and ever to the moon and back
I didn't know that they become your life
that it is OK
a while back I wrote about a personal topic that I felt was important to capture in picture
{also included below}
important for me to remember years from now
it captured the essence of motherhood
the moment my bond began
it documented my journey
I celebrate the beauty and love
and want to share my experience, however personal
because there is not another moment more beautiful than these fleeting ones I had with my boys
and never again will it be the same
never again a missed opportunity

ps. Thank You Michele.
for the greatest gift

My "Someday" is Coming

Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Almost a year ago, I reflected on a very personal topic. I wrote about a beautiful, meaningful, incredible connection I had when breastfeeding my boys...and also of a missed opportunity.

A year ago, I didn't think I was able to have another baby - I had a complication with Brandon that makes labor risky for me. I was heartbroken to think that I passed up a chance during my newborn session to capture the essence of motherhood. To document that journey. To share.

I forgot all about this wish until I came across an old post from a year ago and it dawned on me, that in 2 months, another amazing little boy will be here to share this experience with me.

I think Someday is coming soon. See you in two months Michele :)

A little personal but...

Tuesday, March 2, 2010
I want my boys to know how much it meant to me to nurse them. Even if it was only a short time. Even if they never want to think they did that with their mom.. I was that guy  that thought it was abnormal and it would never happen. I opposed it, and fought Dan on it. I thought it was "granola" and "gross" and totally "disgusting".

Then I had Nicky and the minute I saw him it all changed. It was natural and instinctual. In that instant, I became a MOM. It was a connection, a bond, an emotion I never felt before. I was moved. I cried. I LOVED it. I embraced it. But Nicky didn't. Dan and I spent the better part of two weeks getting it right. Finally he did and it worked.

I was devastated at 5 months, when Nicky started to deny it; when a bottle gave him more substance, but it was ok. There would be more.

When Brandon arrived, not only did he take to nursing, he was a natural. Together we were in unison, we spoke the same language. We understood each other. It changed me once again.

Two weeks later, during Brandon's newborn pictures with Michele at Pinkletoes, I had to stop to nurse him. She offered to capture these precious moments on camera. I refused. Now I am heartbreakingly sad that I did. I am not sure if I felt it was too private or I was shy. Or maybe I didn't understand how haunting an image like that could be, but I missed my opportunity.

Every so often she features these special moments between a mom and her baby and my heart aches. Her work is so beautiful, I wanted to share. She calls this "Someday...."


He thinks no one is watching
as he rides around and around
when he is done
he looks around
so one will notice
when he opens the hood
and takes out the battery
then no one can ride it too
when he is finsihed guarding his "truck"
he plugs it back in 
and drives off into the sunset...
until Tomorrow.

Making up with 8

Ok someone is a lot happier today and I must have my awesome mom cape on.

My little love - 8 months big!

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A Golden Moment

A Little boy golden retriever met the little girl golden lab down the street. It happened in an instant. Love a golden moment

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7 Month Onsie

I was slacking back in December and still pining over Roxy Roo. I missed Luke's 7 month birthday and forgot to put his 7 month sticker on him. I wast able to get him in a onsie! he grew out of them! I never had onsies after 12 months because the boys were walking by then. Luke is just so big. So better late then never.
He obviously wasn't too happy either. Sorry Lucky. xo

I Had to Do it for a 3rd time...

Monday, January 30, 2012
about 4 years ago I found these ridiculous "baby legs" and had to buy them in really cute boy fabric and styles.
I brought them home and one look at them, Dan asked me to throw them away.
I didn't naturally.
Each boy has worn them long enough for me to snap a picture of them in the little leg warmers.
But COME ON! Look at them!

Rules for my Son

Dear Boys,
A couple blogposts have been making its way around Facebook and the blogsphere. 
I decided to post them - there are a lot - some funny, some more serous and light hearted. 
All meant to make you a better person.

Moral of the story:  don't grow up to be douche canoes.


Rules for Raising a Boy - 18 (Because 25 Was Too Hard To Come Up With) Rules for Mothers of Sons

1.  Teach him what a skank is so he'll never bring one home.

If my son brings this girl home, he'd better be paying his own bills - and she'd better be 25 posing like that.

2.  Don't let him be a Beavis or a Butthead.

"Heh, heh that girl is wearing a scarf for a top.  Heh, heh.  Let's go light some farts."

3.  Everyone really liked the rule about teaching your son how to do laundry.  Why stop at laundry?  How about vacuuming, dusting and dishes too?  He will thank you someday, because we all know there is nothing hotter than a man doing housework!

4.  Teach him to use a tissue.  Every time you pull up to a red light what do you see?  A grown man digging for gold...i.e., boogers.  Obviously, his mother never taught him to use a tissue.  Disgusting.

5.  Teach him to put the damn seat down on the toilet.  Don't drop it with a bang.  Gently put it down.  (After he's taken a piece of TP and wiped his up his dribble.)  Better yet, never teach him to stand to pee.

6.  Teach him that relationships are important and he needs to be faithful and monogamous.  Teach him that sometimes relationships suck and require work.  They're not always "fun" and there are times it will seem easier to cut and run than stay and do some hard work.  Teach him that he signed up for this and unless his partner is beating the shit out of him (physically and/or emotionally) he needs to stay and figure it out.  Remind him too that when he was in high school you taught him what a skank was so that when he's pushing 50, fat and bald, he'll know the 20 something skank making eyes at him is only hoping he has a wallet as fat as his belly and he should go home now to his loving wife.

7.  Teach him to scratch and/or adjust his balls in private - and NEVER with a fork.

8.  Let him play video games.  This will help him get out his aggression without actually killing anyone.  Plus, it teaches him good hand/eye coordination for someday when he's "My son, the surgeon."

9.  Give him a baby name book and help him make a list starting now.  Little girls everywhere are doing it and maybe it if we start our sons now we can avoid disaster names like Pilot Inspektor and Blue.

10.  Teach him to dance was on the original list.  I'm good with that one, but I'm taking it a step further.  Why not let him dance in a pink tutu?  If he wants to wear a tutu and carry a sword let him.  WTFC?  Either he'll grow out of it or he'll never struggle with his identity.

11.  Give him a box of Legos and take away the "instructions."  Let him build whatever he can come up with.  Let him get creative and crazy.  Encourage him to use every Lego piece he has so you won't step on another one again in your bare feet.

12.  Teach your son to NEVER rub one out in public.  He needs to keep his visits to his "wonderland" in his own bedroom.

13. Teach your son to never snap a girl's bra strap.  For one, it's rude and disrespectful to the girls and for another, in this day and age it can be called sexual harassment and your son could be expelled or worse.

14.  Teach your son it's OK to cry, but only if he's really hurt.  Right now my 7 year old is so "in touch" with his sensitive side it's all I can do not to call him "cry baby."  The boy cried today because he lost a Beyblades match!  I really need to see blood if I'm going to see tears or I fear for his future.

15.  Teach your son to be funny.  Even if he's a dork, the funniest one is always king of the dorks.  There's nothing sexier than a man with a sense of humor.  How else can you explain why these guys are heart throbs?

16.  Teach your son another word for his partner other than "Baby."  I find it nauseating and revolting that there is an entire generation out there that call one another "Baby."  And it's not jut the word.  It's the way they say it:  "Baaaybeeee."  (Put a little whine in it.)  Let's just stop this madness now.  I would even take "Snookums" right now that's how sick I am of "Baby."

17.  Teach him about good pizza.  When he's in New York City and wants a slice of pizza, Papa John's is not the place to go.  NYC is the capital of delicious pizza!  Yes, most of the pizzerias are racist too, but at least their pizza tastes better if it has to be served up with a side of bigotry.  (I'm actually more offended that this woman ate Papa John's pizza in NYC than I am by the fact that she was called "Lady Chinky Eyes" that tells you a little something about me and my love for NYC pizza.)

18.  Don't ever let him be the "Bachelor" or on any other dumb reality show.  Those guys are always douche canoes.

25 Rules for Mothers of Sons

Inspired by a Pin I've recently seen about "rules for dads with daughters," I went searching for a similar list for moms with sons.  This search was mostly fruitless, so I was inspired to write my own Rules for Moms with Sons.  Granted, my list will not be conclusive and may not be entirely uncontroversial.  So agree, or disagree, or take with a grain of salt - but I hope to inspire other moms who are loving, and struggling, and tired, and proud, and eager to support the boys in their lives.  You are the most important woman in his life, his first teacher, and the one he will look to for permission for the rest of his life.  From "Can I go play with them?" to "Should I ask her to marry me?"  Its a big job, but as the mumma, we're up for it.

25 Rules for Moms with Sons

1. Teach him the words for how he feels.
Your son will scream out of frustration and hide out of embarrassment.  He'll cry from fear and bite out of excitement.  Let his body move by the emotion, but also explain to him what the emotion is and the appropriate response to that emotion for future reference.  Point out other people who are feeling the same thing and compare how they are showing that emotion.  Talk him through your emotions so that someday when he is grown, he will know the difference between angry and embarrassed; between disappointment and grief.

2. Be a cheerleader for his life
There is no doubt that you are the loudest person in the stands at his t-ball games.  There is no doubt that he will tell you to "stop, mom" when you sing along to his garage band's lyrics.  There is no doubt that he will get red-faced when you show his prom date his pictures from boy scouts.  There is no doubt that he is not telling his prom date about your blog where you've been bragging about his life from his first time on the potty to the citizenship award he won in ninth grade.  He will tell you to stop.  He will say he's embarrassed.  But he will know that there is at least one person that is always rooting for him.

3. Teach him how to do laundry
..and load the dishwasher, and iron a shirt.  He may not always choose to do it.  He may not ever have to do it.  But someday his wife will thank you.

4. Read to him and read with him.
Emilie Buchwald said, "Children become readers on the laps of their parents."  Offer your son the opportunity to learn new things, believe in pretend places, and imagine bigger possibilities through books.  Let him see you reading...reading the paper, reading novels, reading magazine articles.  Help him understand that writing words down is a way to be present forever.  Writers are the transcribers of history and memories.  They keep a record of how we lived at that time; what we thought was interesting; how we spoke to each other; what was important.  And Readers help preserve and pass along those memories.

5. Encourage him to dance.
Dance, rhythm, and music are cultural universals.  No matter where you go, no matter who you meet - they have some form of the three.  It doesn't have to be good.  Just encourage your son that when he feels it, it's perfectly fine to go ahead and bust a move.

6. Make sure he has examples of good men who are powerful because of their brains, their determination, and their integrity.
The examples of men with big muscles and a uniform (like Batman and LaMarr Woodley) will surround your son from birth.  But make sure he also knows about men who kick a$s because of their brains (Albert Einstein), and their pen (Mark Twain), and their words (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.), and their determination (Team Hoyt), and their ideas (The Wright Brothers), and their integrity (Officer Frank Shankwitz), and fearlessness (Neil Armstrong), and their ability to keep their mouths closed when everyone else is screaming (Jackie Robinson).

7. Make sure he has examples of women who are beautiful because of their brains, their determination, and their integrity
The examples of traditionally beautiful women (like Daphne Blake, Princess Jasmine, and Britney Spears) will surround your son from birth.  But make sure he knows about women who are beautiful from the inside out because of their brains (Madame Marie Curie), and their pen (Harper Lee), and their words (Eleanor Roosevelt), and their determination (Anne Sullivan), and their ideas (Oprah Winfrey), and their integrity (Miep Gies), and fearlessness (Ameila Earhart), and their ability to open their mouths and take a stand when everyone else is silent (Aung San Suu Kyi).

8. Be an example of a beautiful woman with brains, determination, and integrity.
You already are all of those things.  If you ever fear that you are somehow incapable of doing anything - remember this:  If you have done any of the following:  a) grew life b) impossibly and inconceivably got it out of your body c) taken care of a newborn d) made a pain go away with a kiss e) taught someone to read f) taught a toddler to eat with a utensil g) cleaned up diarrhea without gagging h) loved a child enough to be willing to give your life for them (regardless if they are your own) or i) found a way to be strong when that child is are a superhero.  do not doubt yourself for one second.  Seriously.

9. Teach him to have manners
because its nice.  and it will make the world a little better of a place.

10. Give him something to believe in
Because someday he will be afraid, or nervous, or heartbroken, or lost, or just need you, and you won't be able to be there.  Give him something to turn to when it feels like he is alone, so that he knows that he will never be alone; never, never, never.

11. Teach him that there are times when you need to be gentle
like with babies, and flowers, and animals, and other people's feelings.

12. Let him ruin his clothes
Resolve to be cool about dirty and ruined clothes.  You'll be fighting a losing battle if you get upset every time he ruins another piece of clothing. Don't waste your energy being angry about something inevitable.  Boys tend to learn by destroying, jumping, spilling, falling, and making impossible messes.  Dirty, ruined clothes are just par for the course.

13. Learn how to throw a football
or how to use a hockey stick, or read music, or draw panda bears (or in my case alpacas), or the names of different train engines, or learn to speak Elvish, or recognize the difference betweeGryffindor and Slytherin, or the lyrics to his favorite song.  Be in his life, not as an observer but as an active participant.

14. Go outside with him
turn off the television, unplug the video games, put your cellphone on the charger, even put your camera away.  Just go outside and follow him around.  Watch his face, explore his world, and let him ask questions.  It's like magic.

15. Let him lose
Losing sucks.  Everybody isn't always a winner.  Even if you want to say, "You're a winner because you tried," don't.  He doesn't feel like a winner, he feels sad and crappy and disappointed.  And that's a good thing, because sometimes life also sucks, no matter how hard (as moms) we try to make it not suck for our kids.  This practice will do him good later when he loses again (and again, and again, and again, and again.....)  Instead make sure he understands that - sometimes you win - sometimes you lose.  But that doesn't mean you ever give up.

Source: None via Emma on Pinterest

16. Give him opportunities to help others
There is a big difference in giving someone the opportunity to help and forcing someone to help.  Giving the opportunity lights a flame in the heart and once the help is done the flame shines brighter and asks for more opportunities.  Be an example of helping others in your own actions and the way your family helps each other and helps others together. 

17. Remind him that practice makes perfect.
This doesn't just apply to performance-based activities (like sports and music) but also applies to everything in life.  You become a better writer by writing.  You become a better listener by listening.  You become better speaker by speaking.  Show your son this when he is just young enough to understand (that means from birth, folks - they are making sense of the world as soon as they arrive), practice trick-or-treating at your own front door before the real thing.  Practice how you will walk through airport security before a trip.  Practice how you order your own food from the fast food cashier.  Practice, practice, practice.

18. Answer him when he asks, "Why?"
Answer him, or search for the answer together.  Show him the places to look for the answers (like his dad, or grandparents, or his aunts/uncles, or his books, or valid internet searches).  Pose the question to him so he can begin thinking about answers himself.  Someday, when he needs to ask questions he's too embarrassed to ask you - he'll know where to go to find the right answers.

19. Always carry band-aids and wipes on you.
especially the wipes.

20. Let his dad teach him how to do things
...without interrupting about how to do it the 'right way.'  If you let his dad show and teach and discover with your son while he is growing up, some day down the road (after a short period of your son believing his dad knows nothing), he will come to the realization that his dad knows everything.  You will always be his mother, but in his grown-up man heart and mind, his dad will know the answers.  And this will be how, when your son is too busy with life to call and chat with his mom,  you will stay connected to what is happening in his life.  Because he will call his dad for answers, and his dad will secretly come and ask you.

21. Give him something to release his energy
drums, a pen, a punching bag, wide open space, water, a dog.  Give him something to go crazy with - or he will use your stuff.  and then you'll be sorry.

22. Build him forts
Forts have the ability to make everyday normal stuff into magic.  Throw the couch cushions, a couple blankets, and some clothespins and you can transform your living room into the cave of wonders.  For the rest of his life, he'll be grateful to know that everyday normal stuff has the potential to be magical.

Source: None via Tabitha on Pinterest

23. Take him to new places
Because it will make his brain and his heart open up wider, and the ideas and questions and memories will rush in.

Source: None via Anne on Pinterest

24. Kiss him
Any mother of sons will tell you that little boys are so loving and sweet.  They can be harsh and wild and destructive during most of the day.  But there are these moments when they are so kind and sensitive and tender.  So much so that it can cause you to look around at the inward, reserved grown men in your life and think, 'what happens in between that made you lose that?'  Let's try to stop the cycle by kissing them when they're loving and kissing them even more when they're wild.  Kissing them when they're 2 months and kissing them when they're 16 years old.  You're the mom - you can go ahead and kiss him no matter how big he gets - and make sure he knows it.   p.s. (this one is just as important for dad's too).

25. Be home base
You are home to him.  When he learns to walk, he will wobble a few feet away from you and then come back, then wobble away a little farther and then come back.  When he tries something new, he will look for your proud smile.  When he learns to read, he will repeat the same book to you twenty times in a row, because you're the only one who will listen that many times.  When he plays his sport, he will search for your face in the stands.  When he is sick, he will call you.  When he really messes up, he will call you.  When he is grown and strong and tough and big and he feels like crying, he will come to you; because a man can cry in front of his mother without feeling self-conscious.  Even when he grows up and has a new woman in his life and gets a new home, you are still his mother; home base, the ever constant, like the sun.  Know that in your heart and everything else will fall into place.

Pinkletoes Pic of the Year 2011

Every year, one of your pictures if nominated for Pinkletoes Picture of the Year. Every year we dont win. Either way it is fun to go back and look and the pictures and remember! Thanks to those who voted!

Heaven on Two Wheels

Sunday, January 29, 2012
Daddy date with the boys at Motorcross! Could Nicky be any happier?!! I suspect he really wants cotton candy, too.

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Thursday, January 19, 2012
Nicky told us he got married. To Ella. And he kissed her.

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A Surprise Trip

While I was in CA for the week, I left my car for Tiff. She took the boys for a Surprise trip to see Dinosaurs text...staright from Tiffany. She sent me 16 pictures, complete with commentary. I captured the text here.

.:The End:.


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