My Someday

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A long time ago 
I was so full of confidence and pride 
and so young and naive
I didn't know what I know now
I didn't know the love that came with being a mom
I didn't know that you stop judging
I didn't know that you slept on the floor in their room
and stayed up for hours with them
that you would forever spend hours staring at them
and watching them sleep
wondering how you made something so magical
I didn't know that the joys of being a parent superseded anything on this planet
that i could love forever and ever to the moon and back
I didn't know that they become your life
that it is OK
a while back I wrote about a personal topic that I felt was important to capture in picture
{also included below}
important for me to remember years from now
it captured the essence of motherhood
the moment my bond began
it documented my journey
I celebrate the beauty and love
and want to share my experience, however personal
because there is not another moment more beautiful than these fleeting ones I had with my boys
and never again will it be the same
never again a missed opportunity

ps. Thank You Michele.
for the greatest gift

My "Someday" is Coming

Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Almost a year ago, I reflected on a very personal topic. I wrote about a beautiful, meaningful, incredible connection I had when breastfeeding my boys...and also of a missed opportunity.

A year ago, I didn't think I was able to have another baby - I had a complication with Brandon that makes labor risky for me. I was heartbroken to think that I passed up a chance during my newborn session to capture the essence of motherhood. To document that journey. To share.

I forgot all about this wish until I came across an old post from a year ago and it dawned on me, that in 2 months, another amazing little boy will be here to share this experience with me.

I think Someday is coming soon. See you in two months Michele :)

A little personal but...

Tuesday, March 2, 2010
I want my boys to know how much it meant to me to nurse them. Even if it was only a short time. Even if they never want to think they did that with their mom.. I was that guy  that thought it was abnormal and it would never happen. I opposed it, and fought Dan on it. I thought it was "granola" and "gross" and totally "disgusting".

Then I had Nicky and the minute I saw him it all changed. It was natural and instinctual. In that instant, I became a MOM. It was a connection, a bond, an emotion I never felt before. I was moved. I cried. I LOVED it. I embraced it. But Nicky didn't. Dan and I spent the better part of two weeks getting it right. Finally he did and it worked.

I was devastated at 5 months, when Nicky started to deny it; when a bottle gave him more substance, but it was ok. There would be more.

When Brandon arrived, not only did he take to nursing, he was a natural. Together we were in unison, we spoke the same language. We understood each other. It changed me once again.

Two weeks later, during Brandon's newborn pictures with Michele at Pinkletoes, I had to stop to nurse him. She offered to capture these precious moments on camera. I refused. Now I am heartbreakingly sad that I did. I am not sure if I felt it was too private or I was shy. Or maybe I didn't understand how haunting an image like that could be, but I missed my opportunity.

Every so often she features these special moments between a mom and her baby and my heart aches. Her work is so beautiful, I wanted to share. She calls this "Someday...."


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